Does Judith Get Nathan's Kosher Hot Dog from Giuliani?

Okay, just a clever title. But the hoo-hah about Rudy Giuliani and his succession of girlfriends has just about reached critical mass. Presidential (or high-levle politician) screwing around is as common as... as... presidential screwing around. Let's look at the record:

1884: Grover Cleveland's opponents dig up the fact that he had fathered an illegitimate child in his frivolous youth, giving them the ringing campaign slogan, "Ma, Ma, Where's My Pa, Gone To The White House, Ha Ha Ha!" (Cleveland admitted it and said he had provided for the mother and child and won the election)

1905: Warren G. Harding begins an affair with Carrie Fulton Phillips which lasted until his death in office. When he disclosed his affair after he got the nomination, the GOP paid to send Mrs. Phillips and children off to Japan for the course of the election. He also allegedly had an affair with one Nan Britton, but he neither admitted it nor was it conclusively proven in a subsequent lawsuit by Britton against Harding's estate.

1928: As far as is publicly known, Hoobert Heever never screwed around on his wife. He and his GOP business buddies did a fine job of screwing the United States economy, however.

1932: Franklin Delano Roosevelt is elected president and had affairs for most of his married life, including one with his wife's social secretary. ("Mrs. Roosevelt's Schedule for June, 1915: Be very far away from the house.") NB: The fact that he managed this while suffering the aftereffects of polio is a great inspiration for those with physical challenges who think they'll never get laid again.

1952: Dwight D. Eisenhower, who singlehandedly defeated both the Germans and George S. Patton, had a WAC aide who took personal care of him during the war. But, then, who could blame him? Every other GI who was over there was gettin' some every chance he had from Brits, French, and German women in exchange for silk stockings and cigarettes. Ike was stuck with the domestic product.

1960: St. John Fitzgerald Kennedy, Patron of Youthful Exuberence, boinks everybody.

1963: Lyndon Baines Johnson, who became president after Kennedy's martyrdom, had had multiple affairs prior to his elevation to the Presidency. Lady Bird (Mrs. Johnson) admitted it and said she just put up with it.

1968: Richard Nixon screwed the Constitution.

1976: Jimmy Carter publicly admitted that he had "lusted in his heart." This was a big deal?

1980: Ronald Regan apparently had a clean record. He knew that if he were caught cheating, Nancy would cut it off and feed it to him. He did, however, do a great job screwing the labor union movement, public support for education, and a balanced budget.

1988: George Bush I has ongoing affair with Jennifer Fitzgerald. Ms. Fitzgerald served George I in "a variety of positions," according to the Washington Post.

1992: Bill Clinton comes in a distant second behind JFK for title of "Most Presidential Extramarital Boinkings." Somehow that doesn't disturb the public; he was handily re-elected and even the attempt to convict him after impeachment was a major flop, unlike the Clenis.

2000: In grand GOP style, George Bush II seems to have avoided extramarital screwing around, but has done a great job screwing the Constitution, American foreign policy, and the nation as a whole.

This, of course, leaves out Gary Hart and the "Monkey Business" business. He dared the press to catch him screwing around. They did, and his bid for the Presidency in 1988 sank. He later commented to the effect that he could run now and the Donna Rice scandal wouldn't have slowed him down at all. What's stopping you, Gary? You're only 71!!

As I review this tally of phallic presidential power, I do note that the Democrats seem more inclined to fool around with individual women than the Republicans. They are content to screw the country.

Oh, and one has to wonder if Hillary is elected, will she either be accused of or caught at having affairs? But that just shows how far equal rights for women have come. If a man can use political power as an aphrodisiac, why can't a woman?